<<  BACK TO RESOURCES Making Abstinence Relevant to Teens Andrew Robinson, M. ed. | Stop and Think executive director     THIS PARTICULAR STUDENT caught me off guard. Not only was she wearing a skimpy mini-skirt (as if there's another kind) and equally skimpy top, but she entered the classroom halfway through the period. It was the last day of a three-day presentation and happened to be at what is perhaps one of the most liberal high schools in our nation. I had a feeling she may have some thoughts about abstinence.     Sure enough, when I posed the question, "What are the positive things about sex?" The girl's hand shot up. "Its natural," she said with a heavy dose of spite. Everything within me wanted to react, and in so doing get into a debate. By some miracle, I gathered myself enough to say, "You are totally right! Sex is completely natural," and I continued emphatically, "Sex is as natural as breathing." I got the student's name and credited her publicly for drawing our attention to this fact.     Later I asked a similar question: "What benefits do you think we might experience by waiting until marriage for sex?" The same girl raised her hand. Eager to hear what she would say, I called on her immediately. In the most sober tone imaginable and without so much as a hint of spite she said, "I think I would have more respect for myself." You could have peeled me off the blackboard. In a matter of minutes this student who was so apparently mocking abstinence, came to see the value of waiting until marriage for sex.     Teens will respond to the message of abstinence if it is presented in a way they can hear. Stop and Think has employed several principles that help presenters reach thousands of students each year.     The first principle is: TEACH, DON'T LECTURE. Teens are accustomed to being talked at. An adult who will look a teen in the eye with sincerity and curiosity is likely to be listened to when they talk.     The second principle is: CHALLENGE, DON'T CONDEMN. Challenging teens is risky business. It is essential that teens know we are challenging their ideas, not their person. In contrast, a condemning approach is the quickest way to lose students. You might as well talk to an empty classroom.     The third principle is: INTERACT, DON'T REACT. In our experience with Stop and Think this is the chief principle. Especially with the subject of sex, teens will try to get adults to react. Like the student mentioned above, time and time again we have seen students change their position on sexual abstinence simply because we didn't react to their statements. Not reacting to students means the presenter is valuing the student more than his or her comments.     Stop and Think was hatched in 1991 here in Eugene, OR, the vanguard of "free-thinking" towns. One might assume the schools here would reject an "abstinence until marriage" program outright. Demand for the presentations trickled in at first. For the first few years we delivered about twenty to thirty presentations. As the years went by, and more teachers learned about Stop and Think, our presentation numbers grew. This school year we anticipate giving over four hundred presentations in Eugene and its surrounding communities.     In presenting abstinence, there are a few tendencies to stay away from:     TRYING TO BE LIKE A TEEN. There is a stark difference between relating with teens and trying to be like teens. I am thirty-one years old. With each presentation I give I recognize the distance in age that separates me from the students. The foolishness of trying to be like a teen would be easily recognizable to the students. While students tend to be turned off to adults trying to be teens, they will honor an adult who sincerely relates with them.     LECTURING TEENS. The questions teens ask can be shocking. The best way to avoid having to address these questions is to lecture. By lecturing a class I can make sure there isn't any room for questions that will make me feel uncomfortable, or that I cannot answer. I may even have a lot of really good things to say. Until the teens have the opportunity to interact with the subject, they will not own the material. Inviting questions and engaging dialogue is the most powerful method of persuading teens of anything, especially the value of waiting until marriage for sex.     NOT TELLING THEM "WHY." It is not enough to tell teens to wait until marriage for sex. As teens are prone to do in every arena of their life, they insist on knowing why. Part of the problem is that adults aren't exactly sure why waiting until marriage is the best decision. At Stop and Think we have worked hard to deliver a presentation that makes sense. Students can't listen to our presentation and say we didn't give them a boatload of reasons for waiting until marriage for sex.     The Stop and Think approach could be summarized by the statement: "Do what they least expect." Students expect us to enter a classroom and lecture, pressure, lay on the guilt, even manipulate them into choosing abstinence. They sit up and listen when we employ none of the above tactics. Students are continually impressed by our sincerity and lack of sensationalism. If students are going to take seriously the message of abstinence, these elements are essential.     Stop and Think is now available to pregnancy centers nationwide. Because Stop and Think was developed to address the issues facing a pregnancy care center, it has been designed specifically for easy implementation at any PCC. If you are interested in incorporating Stop and Think as part of your center ministry, please contact us.